The 'N' in Communicate! Part Six!

We now move into the 6th letter of the communication sequence.  This is the part of the process that involves the 'C' in communication.  'C' as we recall is to Care.  We need to Care first before we communicate in any situation.  Our relationships depend on it, but we also know that Care alone won't create effective communication.  We now travel into the 'N' as we communicate.



The 'N' is to Nurture!  To 'Nurture' is to care and encourage the development of someone or something else.  In our communication with others, we need to understand how we can grow the relationship and encourage others in the process.  Unfortunately, we tend to be in interactions with a must win attitude and with the tone of selfishness.  We focus on us in the interaction and relationship and fail to see the other person.   We need to not only infuse our point of view into any interaction, but also find ways to influence and help the other person to grow in their understanding of the situation.  It isn't always about us and as I have said countless times before, we must understand the position of the other person in their quest for resolution and support.  When you are out to help others, you see beyond their inadequacies and can focus on their possibilities.  Share, care and help prepare!  You have the power to build healthy relationships when you seek to first help those you are interacting with.

A couple pointers for you concerning the 'N' - Nurture!

1.  Before you enter enter an interaction in a relationship, know the situation.  What are the details behind the interaction?  Get to know what are the hidden pieces within the relationship.  Why are you entering the interaction or relationship?  What is the value to both parties?  Understanding the value to everyone involved helps us understand the value of what we are about to encounter.  Many times we react due to initial emotion and then compound the difficulty in our relationship.  Take that moment to cool down and seek to find the pieces involved within the situation.  Your relationship depends on you being patient and understanding.  Show your resolve to solve.

2.  Be the other person!  What?  Are you crazy?  Why would I want to do that?  Get that way of thinking out of your head.  If you were to put yourself in the other person's position, you would be able to strategize in order to get your point across more effectively.  Once you are the other person, you see their point of view and can create more effective statements.  Nurture - help by caring and encouraging.  Knowing them helps you care and encourage.  Lose your selfishness and help seek resolution.  You can do it!

Please follow me on twitter @TheTajlGroup and keep in touch at thetajlgroup@gmail.com

Communicate Part 5 the "U"! I'm Back...Let's Continue!

I apologize for the long delay in my "communication"!  No excuses.....just got caught up in travels and consulting.  We had covered 'C', 'O', 'M' and 'M' thus far.... we Care, Observe, Make Time and Movement in our communication with others.  So what is this 'U' all about?

U: To Understand!  To truly enable healthy communication with ourselves as well as with others, we must find the ability to understand.  We find the definition of understand to be our ability to grasp the meaning of something and its reasonableness.  To understand is to be thoroughly familiar with the character and propensities of something or someone.  My thought is that in communication we must really adhere to the part of the definition that states our need to show a sympathetic or tolerant attitude toward something or someone!  How tolerant are you of others and even of yourself?  What does tolerance mean to you?  A simple definition can be one that states our willingness to accept feelings, habits or beliefs that are different than our own.  How judgmental are you?


We often find conflict in our communication with others because we find ourselves judging that other person or persons before us.  We make assumptions before we truly get to know the other individual.  Think about this for a second.....There are no two people exactly alike.  Even twins will have some difference however small it may be.  So if we are all different (thank goodness!), then why are we so quick to lose tolerance of others and even ourselves at times?  You can see by the events in this world that the 'U' in the word communicate is not used or considered at all.  We see wars, divorces, fights, riots, laws, .....the list goes on because we fail to truly understand those before us.  Who determines what is perfect or what is truly right? Even in religion there needs to be tolerance and understanding of others.  In Christianity, Jesus communicated with those who were not of faith and who were 'sinners'.  Why is it then that many Christians find themselves not understanding or tolerant of those who are not like them?  Why is it this way in all religions when in fact most of the 'prophets' preached of acceptance and care?  Hmmm....we wonder why there is so much turmoil in this world and even in our simple relationships!

A few things to consider:
1.  Look at the whole picture before you begin to communicate a difference or when there is a conflict.  Seek to 'Understand' the other person's point of view and where they are coming from.  You often hear that you shouldn't judge until you have walked in another's shoes.  There is a great deal of meaning behind that statement.  You need to look through the lense of the other's life before you begin your communication.  This will enable you to approach your communication in a much more empathetic and sympathetic way.  You will be able to ask questions that direct the conversation to the issue instead of the 'behaviors' and 'values' of each person.

2. Shut up!  What I mean by this is that you need to listen more and talk less.  When you allow the other individual to talk, you open up your understanding of the issue at hand and the pieces of the other person that are the values, beliefs, and understandings they possess.  When you truly listen, you can re-phrase statements that are made by the other individual and generate questions that guide the conversation toward a solution. Keep your communication brief, meaningful and on target with the issue at hand and not on the individual in front of you.  Keep it simple and make sure you 'C' first and foremost - Care!

Please read my book: "Tennis Everyone! An Empowering Way to Improve Your Interactions with Others."  I think you will find this book will enable you to truly 'Understand' and resolve issues quickly and with amazing results!   You can find the book on the Amazon Kindle Store or visit my website at www.thetajlgroup.com and visit the Shop page!  Many have benefited from this book and so will you....buy directly from me and I will personally sign it for you and send you a free gift along with it.

Part 4! The Second "M"! And...... Action!

The second 'M' in the word Communicate is "Movement"!  This 'M' is the catalyst to building healthy relationships in life.  You must take action in order to create vibrant, healthy relationships not only with others, but with yourself as well.   We must Care first, then Observe and find ways to Make Time to communicate, but these are not effective unless we "MOVE!"

We often visualize and dream about how we want things to be.  We find ourselves wishing and dreaming our lives away as our relationships go nowhere.  This is because we fear "Movement".  Movement causes change and change can cause discomfort.  We are led from the comfort of our thoughts into reality.  Reality can cause fear because we can't truly control all the aspects of it.  There are others who can influence it and distract us from what we desire.  In a dream we can control all aspects and make our relationships so 'fairy tale' like.  We can change this aspect and that.  We can manipulate the others in our dreams.  In reality, we can't manipulate and control all the aspects.  We must face the obstacles and find ways to overcome them in order to make our dreams a reality.  We can't just wish or want a dream, we have to 'will' it.  To 'will' it is to take action and set out your plan while maintaining courage.  With your tools thus far, all you need to do is begin to move...to Communicate!  Communicate through movement in order to reach what it is that you desire in a relationship and in You!


Here are a couple ways you can build the second 'M' in Communicate:

1.  As you are involved in interactions, take note of what is occurring.  Create a journal of the interactions and begin to discover what it is you are wanting from this relationship.  If the interactions are stale or involve conflict, discover what is missing and causing these to occur.  Don't just wish it to be better and think that it will fix itself sooner or later.  If you do nothing, then nothing will be resolved and the issue will always continue in that relationship.  You must take action and create movement.  The simplest way to handle conflict in a relationship is to ask questions that force the other person to reflect on themselves and respond.  Don't ask questions that create a defensive stance, just questions that help you clarify the issue.  Let them know you understand their position, but that you want clarification.  It is really simple, but takes some practice.  Just be observant ('O' - truly listen an observe) and then clarify those points around the issue that is occurring.   Please contact me directly via my website www.thetajlgroup.com, my email at thetajlgroup@gmail.com or pick up my book on Amazon Kindle - The Tattered Cover Book Store - or via my website "Tennis Everyone! An Empowering Way to Improve Your Interactions with Others"  to discover how to create effective interactions.

2. Overcome your fear.  Courage is to face uncertainty without being overcome by fear, doubt or to be distracted from your purpose or goal.  You can simply do this by taking action.  You don't have to jump into an argument, but influence the other person through your actions.  Don't worry about what they may think or that you may have lost, but just stay focused on your goal in the relationship.  Do not take action with the thought of winning, take action with the tools of Care, Observe and Make Time.  Put your purpose in front of you and move with your passion.  Do not create outcomes in your mind that keep you from being honest and moving forward.  If an interaction begins to become 'heated', just smile and ask that you continue the interaction at a later date.  Never give into the temptation of having to win or becoming defensive.  Just be honest and kind, your actions will influence them over time.  Consistency builds courage!  Be yourself and don't try to change others as you never will be able to.

Thanks and please send feedback and requests!  We want to help YOU!

Are You Like Senator Walsh and Creating a Remix of Others' Works?

The headlines are booming about Senator Walsh's plagiarism on his War Thesis.  The critics are out and the country is all a "buzz"!

What about your life?  Are you truly living your life's purpose, dreams and passions?  Or... Are you just plagiarizing  your life?   We allow ourselves to get conditioned by the media, friends, family, etc, that we fail to actually step out and live our lives.  We criticize those who are different.  We judge those who do things that are out of the supposed "normal"!  What if they are just living their lives and passions?  They seem happy. Are you?

You need to stop!  Stop and look at your life.  Evaluate your dreams and passions and discover how to make them a reality.  I was talking to an individual the other day.  She is successful and has much, much more to offer.  As we talked, she discovered that her life is in a rut.  Her life balance is out of balance.  Just as your vehicle's tires need rotating and balanced, so do our lives.

Look at how you are living and figure out if you are living your true "thesis" or are you just plagiarizing other's lives?  We can criticize Senator Walsh for his plagiarism, but aren't we doing the same in the way we live?

Want to evaluate your life and see if you are in a rut?  You can simply just stop, take some time, and list out your weekly activities.  See how your week flows and ask yourself if you are truly living your life to the fullest!  What simple changes can you make to shake up your life and live a little?  What things can you do to create your own way of thinking and living?

Be you and live life to the fullest!


If you would like some help with this process, please contact us directly.
Contact Karina at khernst@syr.edu
Contact me directly at thetajlgroup@gmail.com or via my website on the Contact Page or via the Live Chat option.  THIS IS FREE!  And there is no obligation!

CREATE YOUR OWN LIFE STORY AND NOT LIVE SOMEONE ELSE'S

The First 'M' in Communicate! Part 3 is Here!

We are moving forward in order to create healthier and stronger relationships and communication processes. We had started with the 'C' for Care and then the 'O' for Observe.  Now it's time to move on to the first 'M' for 'Make Time'.

This is such an important aspect to our ability to communicate not only with others, but with ourselves!  Time never stops and continues moving.  We can't stop time, but we can influence it.  Do you use the excuse that you don't have time to communicate with someone or take time for yourself?  I'm sure you do!  Healthy and strong communication takes time.  You may need to find some ways to influence your time so that you truly communicate and listen to you, your loved ones, those you work with and even to those you pass by.  When you make time to listen, you are using the 'C'-Care and 'O'-observe in order to truly understand the needs of others and of yourself!

Making time seems to be one of the hardest things for us to do.  We find ourselves stressed as we never have enough time to complete this task, do our jobs or what have you.  If you don't stop and look in the mirror and see yourself, you will find that time becomes more and more of an issue!  You are hurting your relationships with your loved ones, your co-workers, yourself and others.  You begin to focus on what is not important and begin a journey of stress by creating unbalanced living and relationships.

Here are a couple ways you can build the 'M', the Make Time piece:

1.  Create a simple way to plan your week and even plan your social time.  If you follow my www.careermadesimple.com site, you know that I continually stress using 15 minutes on Sunday nights to plan your week.  In those plans you need to plan "time" for yourself as well.  Prioritize your week with a simple strategy of using letters, numbers, colors or symbols that will help you prioritize what you have coming up for the week.  Know that there are things that need to be done within a certain amount of time and plan them!  Then take those items that are important, but more flexible and move them as needed as the week proceeds!  Those lower importance items can be deleted as the week goes on or can be moved to much later dates.  Even if you do this, here is where you fail when it comes to Communication!  You will prioritize only those work items that are important or school homework and other items like this.  You won't prioritize those items like talking to your kids, your spouse, your loved ones, and others as high.  Why not?  They are the most cherished people you have in your life.  They are the greatest treasure you have!  What about yourself?  You need to make a high priority to spend time on yourself whether it be reading a book, relaxing, exercising....you name it.  Listen to what your body is saying and actually schedule some time!

2. Leave things where they need to be left!  Here is a simple strategy that will help you improve your communication and open up some time.  We tend to carry around issues and taking them into arenas where they don't belong.  This creates confusion and takes away from the those things that are important for the interaction you are involved in.  You need to open up time by taking on those conflicts or items that you are dwelling on.  You have an issue at work for example.  The issue at work needs to be discussed with the individuals who are involved at work.  When you don't handle that right away, you begin to worry and dwell which takes away from your TIME!  How can you make time for your loved ones when you are focused on an issue that doesn't involve them?  Why throw it into their arena?  Why take away from the time you need for yourself?  Why?  You need to leave things where they belong and handle them there!  This may seem complicated, but it's not.  I would love to help you with my latest theory that will help you understand and correct this behavior. You will find that you have more quality time in life to truly communicate!  Just leave things where they belong and plan out how you will handle them!  I would love to help you with this, so contact me or Karina at khernst@syr.edu!

Please contact me via my website at www.thetajlgroup.com on the Contact Page or through the Live Chat option!  If you use the Live Chat option by July 25th, you may receive a copy of my eBook "Quick Guide to Success. Interviewing Strategies." (PDF version).  I have 5 copies left to give away.....could be gone in the next hour.  Just contact me via the Live Chat option, ask question and I will send it to your email address!  Catch me if you can as this FREEBIE is going fast!

Want to make a positive change in life? Label me what.....

STOP!  Time to stop labeling who you are through your behaviors.  Think about this for a second......  Do you label who you are based on your behaviors?  Think about how you approach who you are and how you identify with yourself!  This is just one small aspect to how we create a life that can make us feel trapped, depressed, and going nowhere!

In the book "The Prayer of Jabez" by Wilkinson, I found this sentence that makes sense.  "What counts in knowing what you want to be and asking for it!"  When's the last time you even asked yourself for what you want?

Learn how to move forward in life and overcome pessimism; The Unrealistic Negativity!

Contact us today as we have an awesome program right now….1000 clients who want to make a change!  Simple customized program just for you….can be just one simple process that can help you empower yourself for lifelong happiness….you are the solution!  Contact us today as this is an amazing opportunity!  As soon as you are ready to make a move, contact us!

Contact Karina at khernst@syr.edu!  She's amazing!  (Yes she's a Syracuse'er! Go Orange!)

Contact Jeffrey at thetajlgroup@gmail.com or via the website at www.thetajlgroup.com

Free consultation for you! Open up your mind to this amazing opportunity!  Don't be left out...be one of the 1000!  It is filling fast!!!

Check out our live chat option on our website at www.thetajlgroup.com

Part Two to Stronger Communication and Relationships! "O" - CO........

The "O" is part two in this process as we spell out Communicate!  "C" was to care and we understand that we must truly care first.  What about this "O"?

"O": Observe.  This is the next step in better understanding those you interact with as you journey through life.  Looking up the definition of "observe" generates two major themes.  The first definition of observe gives us a theme of noticing, perceiving something or someone and to make note as being significant.  Our second definition takes us on the theme that we fulfill or comply with.... a social, legal, religious, ethical or other obligation.  With those two definitions in mind, which one truly is important in our quest to build stronger communication and relationships?

The answer to that question actually encompasses both meanings.  When we find that we truly care in a relationship, we then begin to notice the other person(s) and make our interaction significant.  Often time though, we are too focused on other aspects within our own world or mind that we fail to truly observe the other person's need or request from us.  This can begin the cycle of a relationship of turmoil.  So....what about this other definition?  This can really make our interactions exciting to say the very least.  If we become so absorbed in our obligations, we often fail to see the other "side" in the interaction and their obligations.  Wow.... we just created a thunderstorm of activity in our relationship with another.  Wait.......what if we practice the "C" first?  Can that help change the outcome in this relationship?  Sure can....but it comes down to you taking control of your actions, approach and thoughts, and understanding that you cannot change the other person.  You can only influence their actions and thoughts just as they can influence yours!

Here are some simple ideas to help you grow the "O" in your communication:

1.  You must approach the interaction understanding the "where" the other person(s) comes from.  What obligations do they carry with them?  You need to perceive their beliefs and values as you approach the interaction.  What if you meet this person in public or they are a customer? That's simple.  Get a quick idea of who they are by the location you are interacting with them in. What "kind" of individual would frequent this place?  What are their initial comments and questions?  If you are not sure, just ask!  Simple thing to do...."How can I help you?" Try this in a coffee shop with someone who seems distant or appears through our perception to be feeling low.  What baggage are they bringing into this conversation or into the relationship?  Put your obligations and beliefs on hold in order to assess where this other person is coming from.

2.  When you begin to speak of your "obligations" or at least hint around them, what do you observe in the other individual?  What does their body language tell you?  Their eyes?  What comments come from their mouths?  We tend to get really defensive if we sense a negative reaction to our comment or belief.  Stop.....don't dwell on that reaction and observe "YOU" first.  How are you reacting and responding to other person?  What are you saying? How are you saying it?  Quick eval.......then move on.  See.....we aren't always going to agree with another person and understand .....that is okay.  We just need to observe their "obligations" to understand their words and reactions towards us.  Instead of becoming defensive, become offensive without being "offensive".  What?!?  Begin to be pro-active and not re-active.  Do this without insults, harsh words, disgusted body language, and more.  Do this by simply affirming and asking questions!  "I understand your thoughts on this, but how does this build upon the need for "X"?" You fill in the "X".

3. You must observe the "YOU" in you.  Your "obligations" are important to you and you must not change in order to maintain the relationship.  This only leads to you trying to become something you aren't.  Love is powerful, but without a good foundation it is not always strong enough.  The strength of your relationship is based on your maintaining of your values.  Hey!  What if my values change?  Okay....your values may change, but you as a person don't change.   We often label ourselves based on behaviors instead of who we truly are.  Have you determined your "purpose" in life?  Who are you?  Look deep inside and understand who "YOU" are.  What are your passions?  Dreams? What is that deep inner feeling of what you are to be in life?  Are you willing to give this up in order to maintain a relationship that "changes" you?  Deep stuff....too deep for this blog!!!  Probably will confuse you.  I'll stop......there is an interesting process to get through this piece and be able to understand and have healthy relationships even with your "enemies"!  Since you are "YOU", your process may vary from another......deep...I'll stop!

If you want to learn more about how to communicate and build relationships through observation, please contact me at thetajlgroup@gmail.com.   I have some great coaching processes to help you......and we can develop your individual process to handle number 3!!!

Take care....live your life to the fullest!  You have one, so make it an amazing adventure!

Please note: Contact me today if you are struggling in a relationship or having difficulty with interactions at work and home!  Together we can make your life amazing!  Mention this blog and you will receive a FREE initial consultation!

Contact Information:

The amazing assistant:  khernst@syr.edu
Jeffrey Directly:  thetajlgroup@gmail.com  (I will provide you my cell number if preferred)
www.thetajlgroup.com  -  Look at the "Chat Now" icon at the top of the webpage....click and lets chat live!!!