The "O" is part two in this process as we spell out Communicate! "C" was to care and we understand that we must truly care first. What about this "O"?
"O": Observe. This is the next step in better understanding those you interact with as you journey through life. Looking up the definition of "observe" generates two major themes. The first definition of observe gives us a theme of noticing, perceiving something or someone and to make note as being significant. Our second definition takes us on the theme that we fulfill or comply with.... a social, legal, religious, ethical or other obligation. With those two definitions in mind, which one truly is important in our quest to build stronger communication and relationships?
The answer to that question actually encompasses both meanings. When we find that we truly care in a relationship, we then begin to notice the other person(s) and make our interaction significant. Often time though, we are too focused on other aspects within our own world or mind that we fail to truly observe the other person's need or request from us. This can begin the cycle of a relationship of turmoil. So....what about this other definition? This can really make our interactions exciting to say the very least. If we become so absorbed in our obligations, we often fail to see the other "side" in the interaction and their obligations. Wow.... we just created a thunderstorm of activity in our relationship with another. Wait.......what if we practice the "C" first? Can that help change the outcome in this relationship? Sure can....but it comes down to you taking control of your actions, approach and thoughts, and understanding that you cannot change the other person. You can only influence their actions and thoughts just as they can influence yours!
Here are some simple ideas to help you grow the "O" in your communication:
1. You must approach the interaction understanding the "where" the other person(s) comes from. What obligations do they carry with them? You need to perceive their beliefs and values as you approach the interaction. What if you meet this person in public or they are a customer? That's simple. Get a quick idea of who they are by the location you are interacting with them in. What "kind" of individual would frequent this place? What are their initial comments and questions? If you are not sure, just ask! Simple thing to do...."How can I help you?" Try this in a coffee shop with someone who seems distant or appears through our perception to be feeling low. What baggage are they bringing into this conversation or into the relationship? Put your obligations and beliefs on hold in order to assess where this other person is coming from.
2. When you begin to speak of your "obligations" or at least hint around them, what do you observe in the other individual? What does their body language tell you? Their eyes? What comments come from their mouths? We tend to get really defensive if we sense a negative reaction to our comment or belief. Stop.....don't dwell on that reaction and observe "YOU" first. How are you reacting and responding to other person? What are you saying? How are you saying it? Quick eval.......then move on. See.....we aren't always going to agree with another person and understand .....that is okay. We just need to observe their "obligations" to understand their words and reactions towards us. Instead of becoming defensive, become offensive without being "offensive". What?!? Begin to be pro-active and not re-active. Do this without insults, harsh words, disgusted body language, and more. Do this by simply affirming and asking questions! "I understand your thoughts on this, but how does this build upon the need for "X"?" You fill in the "X".
3. You must observe the "YOU" in you. Your "obligations" are important to you and you must not change in order to maintain the relationship. This only leads to you trying to become something you aren't. Love is powerful, but without a good foundation it is not always strong enough. The strength of your relationship is based on your maintaining of your values. Hey! What if my values change? Okay....your values may change, but you as a person don't change. We often label ourselves based on behaviors instead of who we truly are. Have you determined your "purpose" in life? Who are you? Look deep inside and understand who "YOU" are. What are your passions? Dreams? What is that deep inner feeling of what you are to be in life? Are you willing to give this up in order to maintain a relationship that "changes" you? Deep stuff....too deep for this blog!!! Probably will confuse you. I'll stop......there is an interesting process to get through this piece and be able to understand and have healthy relationships even with your "enemies"! Since you are "YOU", your process may vary from another......deep...I'll stop!
If you want to learn more about how to communicate and build relationships through observation, please contact me at thetajlgroup@gmail.com. I have some great coaching processes to help you......and we can develop your individual process to handle number 3!!!
Take care....live your life to the fullest! You have one, so make it an amazing adventure!
Please note: Contact me today if you are struggling in a relationship or having difficulty with interactions at work and home! Together we can make your life amazing! Mention this blog and you will receive a FREE initial consultation!
Contact Information:
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Jeffrey Directly: thetajlgroup@gmail.com (I will provide you my cell number if preferred)
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