Communicate Part 5 the "U"! I'm Back...Let's Continue!

I apologize for the long delay in my "communication"!  No excuses.....just got caught up in travels and consulting.  We had covered 'C', 'O', 'M' and 'M' thus far.... we Care, Observe, Make Time and Movement in our communication with others.  So what is this 'U' all about?

U: To Understand!  To truly enable healthy communication with ourselves as well as with others, we must find the ability to understand.  We find the definition of understand to be our ability to grasp the meaning of something and its reasonableness.  To understand is to be thoroughly familiar with the character and propensities of something or someone.  My thought is that in communication we must really adhere to the part of the definition that states our need to show a sympathetic or tolerant attitude toward something or someone!  How tolerant are you of others and even of yourself?  What does tolerance mean to you?  A simple definition can be one that states our willingness to accept feelings, habits or beliefs that are different than our own.  How judgmental are you?


We often find conflict in our communication with others because we find ourselves judging that other person or persons before us.  We make assumptions before we truly get to know the other individual.  Think about this for a second.....There are no two people exactly alike.  Even twins will have some difference however small it may be.  So if we are all different (thank goodness!), then why are we so quick to lose tolerance of others and even ourselves at times?  You can see by the events in this world that the 'U' in the word communicate is not used or considered at all.  We see wars, divorces, fights, riots, laws, .....the list goes on because we fail to truly understand those before us.  Who determines what is perfect or what is truly right? Even in religion there needs to be tolerance and understanding of others.  In Christianity, Jesus communicated with those who were not of faith and who were 'sinners'.  Why is it then that many Christians find themselves not understanding or tolerant of those who are not like them?  Why is it this way in all religions when in fact most of the 'prophets' preached of acceptance and care?  Hmmm....we wonder why there is so much turmoil in this world and even in our simple relationships!

A few things to consider:
1.  Look at the whole picture before you begin to communicate a difference or when there is a conflict.  Seek to 'Understand' the other person's point of view and where they are coming from.  You often hear that you shouldn't judge until you have walked in another's shoes.  There is a great deal of meaning behind that statement.  You need to look through the lense of the other's life before you begin your communication.  This will enable you to approach your communication in a much more empathetic and sympathetic way.  You will be able to ask questions that direct the conversation to the issue instead of the 'behaviors' and 'values' of each person.

2. Shut up!  What I mean by this is that you need to listen more and talk less.  When you allow the other individual to talk, you open up your understanding of the issue at hand and the pieces of the other person that are the values, beliefs, and understandings they possess.  When you truly listen, you can re-phrase statements that are made by the other individual and generate questions that guide the conversation toward a solution. Keep your communication brief, meaningful and on target with the issue at hand and not on the individual in front of you.  Keep it simple and make sure you 'C' first and foremost - Care!

Please read my book: "Tennis Everyone! An Empowering Way to Improve Your Interactions with Others."  I think you will find this book will enable you to truly 'Understand' and resolve issues quickly and with amazing results!   You can find the book on the Amazon Kindle Store or visit my website at www.thetajlgroup.com and visit the Shop page!  Many have benefited from this book and so will you....buy directly from me and I will personally sign it for you and send you a free gift along with it.